summertime incoming
july july july you were bigger than the whole skyyyy
Let it be known that I wrote the majority of this a few days before 4th of July. When summer was incoming big time! You could really feel the amount of people start to disappear from the city.
As much as I maybe wanted to, I did not leave for this month. But I have my version of leaving. Which is of course, getting on the LIRR and training out almost as far as you can— eternal sunshine of the spotless mind style — and getting to a beach. The beach. My beach!
Can I be a cool writer in New York if I’m also jetting out to Southampton from time to time?? Can I still be a Brooklyn artist while knowing how to work a sailboat?? I think yes. Way too often knowing how to sail is like ok vineyard vines queen! Ok salmon pants! And sure, maybe sailing has this reputation but I’m reclaiming it for the gays. Because knowing how to sail a boat is possibly the gayest thing about me. A woman who can work a ship?? Hot!
My aunt used to joke that if you grow up on an island you should know how to swim and how to work a boat, and like……. she was right.
A quiet and boring July
After California and pride, I was telling myself that this was what I wanted from this month. July is not ~usually my favorite and so I’m trying to remember things you can do in this season that you can’t really do in others. Eat stone fruit and play in the ocean. How bout stop at a cherry stand on the side of the road. That’s fun.
The vibe I’m bringing to the summer is like if John B wrote poems. One because I’m trying to learn how to surf and two because my notes app is chock full of sad little poetry right now. It’s a lorde summer. It’s a lover you should’ve come over summer. I don’t want to yearn! But here we are anyway.
I’m mostly thinking about salt water (of course). This is a salt water themed substack. Swimming in the ocean, running, writing. This is what bodies are for!
I’m thinking about how salt quite literally heals. When I was younger and had a cut on my thumb, my dad would say ok well after this weekend of being in the ocean the cut will be gone and it’ll be back to normal. And then after swimming for hours I’d come out and the cut was gone.
I went to the ocean last weekend. Laughed a lot. Sometimes the most healing thing you can do is be silly and I truly stand by that. It was filled with CBD joints and non alcoholic beer, trying to see shooting stars by the pool until my neck hurt. My fingertips smell like herbs. I wear loose button downs and big jeans.
My goal for the summer is: stfu and relax. Maybe this is obvious but last summer I was NOT relaxed. I was barely hanging on. Resenting New York. Feeling every inch of my skin with the heat going down into the subway. It felt disgusting to be in downtown Manhattan and I will admit that lol. I missed seeing a tree. And now of course it’s better. My neighborhood smells like the little charcoal pieces that get lit up when someone is grilling. There’s always music, someone’s always laughing. There are stoops.
Cali Recap. The grass is always greener.
As I said earlier, I did write a lot of this blog on the first week of July, and in the first week of July I was coming back from pride and California. Which both feel like eons away.
What I will say is this: every New Yorker should be required to travel to San Diego minimum once a year. Just to remember what life could be like! I’m kidding and not. Sure I was there visiting my friend for a few days but god. To wake up, walk to the ocean, get an iced coffee and an acai bowl on the way back. Go for a bike ride? Go for a hike? Swim??
All of the best and dreamiest parts of summer here seem to live in San Diego. But! I didn’t forget all about nyc while I was there because, while at a party on the beach, one of my friends friends starting talking about how lucky I should be to live in the city I live in. And how she lived there for 10 years but also just felt like she was “always there.”
She said, “my brain dreams in New York.” I love when people talk and it sounds like a poem is coming out of them. But I knew she didn’t mean it this way. She didn’t mean it in some whimsical new york or nowhere way, but more matter of fact. Like it was something that just happened when you left the city. You could be on a beach in San Diego starting a new life as a doctor and still wonder if you’re going to take the BDFM to get home. (her words not mine) And I said ok well then, I don’t want to think about the B while in San Diego! Please just give me a few days! And I didn’t think about it. Except for this conversation. Which clearly wasn’t so bad.
Summer Syllabus update so far!
Ok this is a long one so if you’re still here thanks love you!
The Pain Scale by Eula Biss
Let’s just start by saying that this is one of my favorite essays. I’m also biased because I had to read it senior year of college and fell in love with it. It’s a lyric essay and it’s smart and beautiful. It weaves all the themes together so nicely.
Top quote: “The lower fixed point, zero, is the coldest temperature at which a mixture of salt and water can still remain liquid. I myself am a mixture of salt and water. I strive to remain liquid.”
I Might Regret This by Abbi Jacobson
It was cool to peer into the brain of one of my fav comedy writers and inspirations. And truly go on this journey with them. Was reading about a comedy writer going through their first wlw break up flying a little too close to the sun?? Maybe! But that’s ok. Only quote I can remember right now: “Why does seeing the person you love wearing your clothes feel so deeply good?” It’s like oof girl you’re right and I don’t know.
The Wedding People by Alison Espach
Not that I was really in a reading slump but it was nice to just read a book quickly (for me). It was also nice to have a physical book! Which was a big part of starting the syllabus. I was the annoying person whipping it out on the subway when I didn’t really have room. But in short, I liked it. A lot! Super dialogue driven which made it feel like I was watching a movie.
Back to salt water. So this book takes place in Newport, RI but the main character is from Missouri. There’s a point where she goes to the touch ocean for the first time and steps away like oh wow that really is salty. Which is always so crazy to me because I can’t imagine not knowing that.
It reminded me of the first time I dove into a lake on a trip to Jackson Hole when I was 14 (?). I remember coming up for air and thinking omg it’s like a glass of water. It felt strange! Illegal!
Current: Ina Garten & dipping my toe into East of Eden
I’m not done but right now this kind of feels like my grandma telling me a story. Which I guess makes sense. With the way it’s written it seems like Ina is genuinely in awe of her own life. A lot of: “And can you believe that!!” “And this was 1972 by the way!” It’s cute.
Last and definitely least: I bought East of Eden at a bookstore a couple weekends ago thinking it would be like 200 pages. Uhhh it’s like 600! Girl! Who has the time! I guess me now. Me and East of Eden are gonna put in some hours together and it’s gonna be great. Ok more syllabus check in later. Love u all!
“this is what bodies are for!”
loved reading this one, soo summer
I do believe surfing, eating stone fruit, and laying in the sand heals. I think it’s poetic that salt does actually heal, and loving the syllabus.